Burn, Baby, Burn!!!

“Burdens are the foundations of ease and bitter things the forerunners of pleasure.”
-Rumi

You were probably taught not to play with fire when you were just a tot running around in a diaper.

But, I bet you were not told that eventually you would need to go through the fire to live your best life.

Nope.  No one tells us that.

So, we do what any logical creature would do;  we avoid the flames of life in order to “play it safe.”

Jessica, a client of mine, abruptly ended a relationship with a guy because she was afraid of getting hurt, so she threw the “break-up” card on the table first.  During our session, she said, “What I really want to do is call him up and tell him how sorry I am and ask him to the movies, but I would never do that.”

“Why,” I asked.

“Well, he might say no,” she replied.

Jessica doesn’t want to walk through the ring of fire and challenge her beliefs and grieve potential losses.

She wants to play it safe, but what she desires requires that she walks through the fire.

So, what is the ring of fire?

Martha Beck describes it as “the emotional process we must go through in order to reach the core of peace.”

As a certified ring of fire walker-through-er, I have come to understand the power of allowing yourself to burn.

When you walk through the ring of fire, here’s what happens:

1.  It burns up all the beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

When it comes right down to you and your ideal life, it’s the beliefs about who you are and the concepts of the world you live in that keeps you stuck.  When you burn tho se babies, you can see your path.

2.  As the beliefs begin to go up in smoke, you begin to do those things that you could not do

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.”
For any woman to say that means that she’s walked through the fire herself.

When you dissolve all the nasty beliefs, such as,

Losing weight is too hard.
I’ve always been overweight, and therefore, I always will.
I’m not worthy.
I have no control.

you can then begin to take action in your life from a clean place.

3.  You become totally OK with being imperfect

This one was huge for me, because I was a big-time card carrying perfectionist.

The cool thing about the ring of fire is that it burns the ego, and without the ego, you’re just a human being who is doing the best she can on any given day. That’s it.

No drama.

No judgment.

Just beautiful imperfection.

4. You feel fresh, renewed and excited.

When I see people go through the ring of fire, they cry, get angry, become quiet.

Most often, it’s a mess.

Then, one day, they show up for a session with a little pep in their step.

They sound different, and then they’ll say something like, “Guess what?  I just bought a leopard print bra.”

Yes, they have emerged from the ring of fire.

Life feels different after you burn.

When you’re going through it, it’s looks like a burnt field of grass, all black and messy.

Then, one day, a bright, little green blade of grass sprouts up, followed by another and another until it’s so vibrant and fresh.

Yep, that’s what it’s like.

5.  You realize that the ring was exactly what you needed to walk through in order to get to where you wanted to be.

I cannot tell you how many times I have lived in the smoke of the fire, afraid to walk through, scared to face what’s on the other side.  But, then I decide that the pain of not walking through outweighs the pain of burning, and so I take a deep breath, and I go.

I’ve walked through the ring of fire enough, and I’ve helped others do it enough to know that you must walk through in order to find peace.

6.  All the deliciousness of life is through the flames.

Think about all the things that you most enjoy now.  Did you have to go through some hard times, some pain, overcome fear or go to some sort of hell to have this thing?

Take childbirth, for example.  Oh deards, “painful” is not even a word that comes close to describ e the experience, but then you get through it, and you realize that beyond the pain is a gift.

Going through a weight/food obsession was a hell in itself, but it was exactly what I needed to go through to really connect with myself and find pleasure in food again.

It was gift.

7.  Eventually, you must go through.

There is a saying, “The only way out is through.”

I believe that we must all enter the ring of fire at one point or another.  We can run, struggle, or hide, but eventually, you’ve got to walk through that darn thing.

All the quick fixes, addictions, and other avoidance techniques cannot get us to where we want to go until we become willing to burn.

Are you ready?

Burn, baby, burn!

Tagged as: beliefs, life coach, martha beck, perfectionism, transformation