Create Your Support Society

“Perfect as the wing of a bird may be, it will never enable the bird to fly if unsupported by air.”

-Ivan Pavlov

When I was fourteen, Eric Jones dumped me.

I was devastated, so I came straight home to my mother’s arms where she consoled me and told me how “that boy” totally didn’t deserve me, and that I was better off without “that boy,” and deep down, through swollen eyes and a broken heart, I knew she was right.

My mother was officially a member of my support society.

Throughout life – college, a marriage, parenting, divorce, remarriage – I slowly grew my support society, adding and deleting people along the way (cause if you don’t offer support, then how can you expect to stay a part of a “support society”?).

When people ask me how I’ve managed to create the life I’m living today, the first thing I tell them is that I learned to develop a mindset for success and the second thing I did was seek support.

I’ve researched and hunted down those people who have blazed similar trails that I am traveling (yeah, right…they’ve stumbled, fallen, gotten bruised and battered, been fired, criticized and humiliated, but they’ve consistently picked themselves up and learned from each obstacle.) Luckily, I have attracted many successful people into my life, and through their coaching/mentorship/friendship, they have encouraged my growth as a human being.

I don’t care who you are or what you are trying to achieve, if it’s outside your knowledge base or comfort zone, you will be far more likely to succeed if you have a support system (or society, which sounds so much more tres chic!)

(Note: when it comes to weight loss, there seems to be a lack of knowledge about how to eat like a naturally slender person, along with the discomfort of not seeking out the mac n’ cheese after a long day at work. In other words, support is crucial if you want to slip into those skinny jeans.)

Here are a few practical steps to creating your own support society (and because I have been on both ends of the following- the student and the teacher – I completely and utterly endorse):

1. Find a mentor

When you decide that you are ready to make a transition, or when life throws you into one, find someone who has been where you are or want to go AND lived to tell about it.

When I began to transform my life, I was surprised at how many people had been down a similar path as I was on, and who was not only willing, but excited to help me.

Find this person, and schedule some time to sit down and talk. Ask them for advice, tips and support. Learn about their most pressing problems during their journey and how they overcame them. Be a student of this person. You will soon be the teacher.

2. Hire a coach

I’ll admit that the term “life coach” is sort of cheesy, but I was at a point in my life when, cheesy or not, I wanted help, and not the sit-down-in-a-chair-and-let’s-talk-about-all-of-your-childhood-traumas-week-after-week help. I wanted someone to help me look forward, not backward (now, now….I’m not saying therapy’s not a valuable thing, but it wasn’t what I was seeking).

The best investment I’ve ever made in myself (other than a great pair of jeans and shoes) was hiring a coach. She wiped the lens of my life clean so that I could see more clearly. She helped me discover what I wanted for my life and then held that vision for me as I gradually stepped into a bigger space.

But, most importantly, a coach holds you accountable. I could no longer curl up in fetal position and check out of my life. I had a person who would call me out on my excuses and resistance, and then remind me of what I was trying to create. Yep, back in the game.

3. Join a coaching group

If you want to change the world, put a group of women on a similar mission together, along with a mentor who is dedicated to their success – and you have the formula for UBER success!

The power of a group lies within learning from each person’s challenges, as well as their successes. And let’s not forget the power of celebration. Having people to remind you of how far you’ve come is a great motivator for continuing the momentum.

A dedicated group picks you up, brushes you off and pats you on the hiney as you begin again (think baby walking with a crowd of supportive adults grinning from ear to ear as they awkwardly wobble, take a step, wobble, take another step, fall, get back up, wobble, take another step….)

4. Seek out friends who really listen

There are friends who listen, and then there are friends who REALLY listen. The first group listen through their own filters and beliefs, so you can expect what comes back to you will be tainted with their mother’s thoughts and their mother’s mother’s thoughts. If you listen to that type of friend, you won’t lose weight because your friend’s grandmother said that when she was fifty, “the weight started coming on and they’re wasn’t anything she could do about it except eat and be happy.” Not exactly what you need to hear when you are trying to create your best body ever.

However, having a friend who actively listens to your needs and concerns is priceless. This is the person who sees your unlimited potential and will help you problem solve and encourage you to live even bigger than they might be currently living. This is the friend that totally knows that you can lose fifty pounds, regardless of what struggles she’s been through or her mama’s mama has experienced.

5. The Woods, Books and iPods

When I was first starting my company, there were days that I wanted to throw in the towel, call it quits, be done, finished! (I remember those days with the whole weight thing too.) In those moments, I didn’t always have a coach, mentor or friend to call, so I grabbed Mac, my coach in the pocket: my beloved iPod.

I would scroll to my “Good Mojo” playlist and head out the door to romp in the woods and listen to my mentor, Martha Beck, Abraham, Tony Robbins, or Diana Krall or anyone who would help me smile and not allow me to wallow in my negative slop.

Usually, in less time than it takes to eat a couple bowls of ice cream, visit a therapist or cry a river, I would be back in the game, feeling in charge and ready to rule my own little world.

Books (audio or the real thing), magazines, lectures, podcasts, Internet, inspirational quotes, music, great movies, and nature can all be a part of your support society.

6. Look Within

Often, when a person thinks of support, she immediately starts looking for external sources, but let’s not forget your biggest fan and ally: YOU!

Underneath all the negative talk and limiting beliefs is a part of you that understands your potential.

As a coach, I train my clients to support and coach themselves, because, as ideal as it might be, you’re not always going to have a live cheering squad to have your back.

Sometimes, I ask my clients to ask their 90 year old self what they should do, and I’m always fascinated at how quickly they can access their own inner wisdom that doesn’t buy into the lies of unworthiness, hopelessness and defeat, but knows that you are totally capable of kicking ass in your life.

So, I recommend that you grab a big King Louis chair and take a seat as the head honcho of your own support society. Learn to trust, encourage and support yourself as you begin to rule your own little world.

Tagged as: coaching, mentor, motivation, success, support