“In the measurement world, we set a goal and strive to achieve it. In the universe of possibility, we set the context and let life unfold.”
~B. Zander, The Art of Possibility
If you’ve read any self-help books or watched any self-help guys in suits give their spill, you’ve heard the old acronym before: set SMART goals.
Yes, the specific, measurable, obtainable? achievable? (I forgot), results oriented and time limited.
Is it just me or is that so BORING and so AMWAY?
Not only can goals be boring but they can also be dangerous.
Let me explain in a bullet point kind of way:
1. Goal setting doesn’t factor in who you want to BE
I’ve seen many people set big goals – lose 100 pounds, make a million bucks, move to an island – and they achieve it, and guess what? They aren’t necessarily happy. Why? Because their goal wasn’t rooted in who they wanted to be, how they desired to feel.
A million bucks + misery = misery.
A size 4 dress + fear = fear.
The energy always trumps the achievement.
2. Goals assume Linearity
Goals assume that life starts at A and ends at B, and that’s how our minds are conditioned to think.
Ask a farmer, however, and he’ll tell you different. When you plant a seed, the sprout begins to grow. You may have a drought and the plant begins to wilt, which will require some TLC from the farmer, and then the plant livens up and grows some more. It’s organic, an evolution, not an A to B kind of process.
3. Goals narrow your focus
When you are so focused on achieving a number on a scale or a certain number in your bank account, you often fail to see the big picture of your overall life.
No doubt, focus awareness is important, but you can’t be so zeroed in on the number that you can’t see that other areas in your life may need your attention or appreciation. I’ve seen many people so intent on reaching a number that they sacrifice relationships and well-being to get there – skipping dinners, taking fat burners, saying no to a movie because they need to get another hour in at the gym.
What have you really gained?
3. Goals make your life one big win/lose fest
The scale is down, you win. The scale is up, LOSER! That’s what goals do to the mind.
Life is NOT a race. It’s a beautiful journey of learning and growth. When you live a goal-oriented life, it makes life a game of win/lose. If you reach your goal, you win. If you don’t, well, you’re a big, fat loser, right?
WRONG!
This mindset is so unhealthy. Learning and growing is the point of life, not getting somewhere else, but fully living where you are.
5. Goals create a ceiling and complacency
I’ll never forget a client telling me that whenever she had reached her weight goal, she felt like the fun was over and would inevitably regain the weight. Goals put a ceiling on your possibility. Often, people will reach their goals and think, “Now what?”
After reaching that magic number, many people go into “vacation” mode and think they can relax, live it up or become careless. This is also known as “yo-yo dieting” in the weight world or sometimes “bankruptcy” in the financial arena.
6. Goals are SO freakin’ boring
If I have to see one more SMART goal, I think I’ll just roll over and sleep for a few months.
Seriously!
I much rather embrace a life of discovery and flow, something that goals don’t allow.
I want to dance, laugh and live for crying out loud, not put stars on a chart when I’ve been a good girl.
If not goals, then what?
Well, first of all, so that I don’t seem like a hypocrite, let me say that I have fallen for the SMART goal tactic. That’s what good coaches do, right? Help people reach their goals.
In fact, when I first started coaching, I asked my clients to set these types of goals for themselves, and guess what? They didn’t work.
Clients became frustrated when they weren’t meeting the mark. They experienced feelings of hopelessness and failure. They felt stuck and sad.
Clearly, this goal setting stuff wasn’t working.
So, I began to have them do the following, and let me just say that it set them on fire. Suddenly, they were happier and their desires began to manifest from a deeper place in their soul, not some chart on a wall:
1. Create an End Game
Dream, explore and create what would be a beautiful end game for yourself. Have fun with this one. Treat your end game like play dough – malleable, creative, expressive and fun.
“But Tonya, isn’t the end game a goal,” you might wonder.
Well, yes and no. I’m not advocating a life without desire. Even if I was, it would be nearly impossible, because human nature is to seek pleasure and avoid pain. I’m simply asking you to consider having fun with your desires. Treat them as icing on the cake, not the whole shebang.
The end game should have the energy of “Wouldn’t it be nice if….”
Not,
“My life will be complete only when I achieve….”
Big difference.
2. Name the Feeling
How do you want to feel? What’s the energy that lies within your end?
Name it.
3. Step in and let it go
Practice stepping into your end game long enough to conjure up those feelings (usually about 10 minutes a day).
Then, let it go, and act as if you are there.
Learn to fully embrace the moment.
4. Learn to create that energy every day in your life
Happiness, excitement, hope, productivity, love, compassion…..all these emotions are yours to experience NOW, not when you reach some goal.
Learn to create your own emotional states, and you will empower yourself to create your own reality, instead of reacting to every ebb and flow of life.
5. Allow
Watch out! As you begin to live with intention, instead of by goals, you will begin to create this beautiful energy in your life. You will begin to experience joie de vivre, which will summon the universe to flow things into your world.
Open your heart and allow yourself to be filled with your every desire.
As you live in alignment with your intention, in other words, how you want to feel, you will begin to manifest your desires.
In fact, I have accomplished more in my life since I cut the goal setting crap. It’s counter-intuitive, making it difficult for many people to let go of setting goals and trying to get somewhere other than where they are. There’s this toxic belief that if you aren’t trying, you’re not moving. However, letting go and allowing is when things begin to just flow into your universe, including weight loss, money, men, you name it!
Goals, my friend, will never allow such a beautiful transaction.
Why?
Because a life of happiness and joy isn’t reliant upon pass/fail, better/worse or good/bad.
Goals are crusty and old school.
Love, joy, passion paired with intention will never go out of style.
And if you still want to set a SMART goal, let it be something that inspires you and leaves room for exploration and discovery. Let it be something like this:
I will love myself, live with gratitude and awareness and seek joy and growth every day for as long as I live.
And she lived happily ever NOW!
The End.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Words of empowerment! Positive, resassuring:)
xo
AMEN! Love this, Tonya. You’re fabulous. (And I can personally attest to the truth of this. My life has gotten so much better since I stopped setting goals and started letting my dreams unfold. Magical.)
I just happened upon this post today and it was a perfectly timed reminder. Love the quote about setting the context and letting life unfold. Your description of this process is beautiful. Thank you!